Why is the only advice people can give here is get a divorce ?

I mean who is posting here, 15 year olds who think money grows on trees ? Do people on here realize that getting a divorce might mean you have to blow the money your child was supposed to go to college with on a divorce ? Or that it is already hard enough to scrape by on 2 paychecks ?Why is the only advice people can give here is get a divorce ?
There sure are a lot of very young people. Its hard to get a good answer when most people haven't even been married. Whatever the problem is that you have, and if divorce is not an option for you, you should try to work on that problem with your partner. Marriage counseling can be effective if taken seriously as well as taking the time to reconnect with a spouse that you may feel has become distant.Why is the only advice people can give here is get a divorce ?
It probably depends on the situation. Some situations in marriage are beyond repair and some times that is the only option. I usually tell people who are going through problems to seek therapy first. I am not 15 years old and I am very married so I know that not all problems require a run to the divorce attorney.





As far as college goes, your kids will still be able to go to college if you go through with a divorce. My parents divorced and I still went to college and so did all of my siblings(and graduated). My mother didn't let her divorce stop us from getting college degrees so it sounds like that is just an excuse.





If you are using finances as a reason to stay married, you are staying for the wrong reasons. To use my mother as an example, she divorced my father before I was old enough to talk and she raised all of us by herself. Worked hard over the years and put all of her children through college (by herself). It can be done and it is done every day(women and men do it all the time). You just have to be willing to make sacrifices and do it.
I don't think that most people with sense suggest divorce up front. But, reading some of the questions people post I think that's the answer they're looking for. I think some have already made up their minds and they just want others to reaffirm their decision. For example:





He's cheated on me 12 times in the past year and beats me at least three times a week. Yesterday he threatened to take our children and leave the state. I don't have a job, but I'm scared. What should I do?





Yep, you bet I'm going to say leave him because the situation described it toxic. If it's over-exaggerated then there's nothing I can do about that. All I have to go on is what's being presented in the post, and what's described is not a situation in which one should sit around and wait for counseling to work.





Sadly, this is the kind of post that shows up here more often than the ones that aren't quite divorce-worthy.





As a side note - If you can't afford to divorce, then you're doing it wrong. You're either not working to earn enough or you're in debt beyond your means. I'm getting by just fine on one income. I own my home, drive a newer model car, don't have a sub-prime mortgage and am able to provide all that my children need and most of what they want. If I needed to pay an attorney it wouldn't be a problem. Everyone is capable of doing the same. So, like I said, if they can't then they're doing it wrong.
Most people don't realize how much a divorce can cost, especially if one of the parties is not allowing it to continue...


i gotta admit i didnt know until recently and im 22! my boyfriend got a divorce a few years back before i knew him and it cost him a ton!


I thought that if your spouse was in the wrong (abuse, cheating, or something like that) you could get a divorce and land them with all the bills. and being a single mom you should be able to get child support as well as additional payments from the divorce.


i would look into the laws in your area and just kinda figure things out and see what you can afford or what you can get. research shouldnt hurt!





good luck with everything! I am sure you are will be able to get through this!
Because we are selfish and unwilling to address the needs of someone else.





One woman said her husband was fat and she wasn't attracted to him. Everyone else said leave if he doesn't care enough about you to take care of himself. I said just be nice to him, build him up and he'll take care of himself when you take interest in him. Thumbs down for my answer.





Another woman said her husband won't help with the kids or the house work. Everyone said to yell at him and give him an ultimatum. I said to be nice, ask for help by giving him something direct because not all men walk in and know what needs to be done. More thumbs down.





No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Couples aren't nice to each other. Women think that nagging, b****ing, and threats of leaving will turn their guy into prince charming. Men think that having affairs because their wife is withholding sex won't affect the marriage. They see it as withholding, she sees it as being tired. Why can't we all just get along?
Using this site should just supplement what you're already thinking. You have close friends that may know your situation better. Strangers can throw-out all kinds of answers.





The best way to use Yahoo.... Put all the answers together along with your thoughts from friends and family.. plus your own.. and then formulate what you may do based on all the information. You'll most likely see themes develop from all the sources that will help guide you what to do.





It's not like every answer says Divorce. There's some very good answers here. Filter. But don't filter just to affirm what you're looking for. It's easy to fall into that trap by looking for others to agree with you. Try to be objective and listen to differing opinions.





Good luck
Most marriages face the key issues in life but many don't think about the big picture.(finances for example) A lot of people respond to questions that the person who asks fails to do some things all along and now the options are few, Somethings like abuse, violence leave little alternatives for any one to have much thought as to what to do. It's your marriage, act earlier to do act on resolving the problem. We are not a wonder-cure on everything to do. Based on the haphazard phrases and sentences we barely can figure out some times what is going on.......
I agree with you. It's easy to tell someone what to do when you have no idea of there lifestyle, financial status, and most of all true feelings.


We only hear one side of the story on here and even then it's still only a portion of it. I think thats why it's easy to tell someone to leave. Plus that seems to be the easy way out these days. Nobody stays together and works things out anymore. It's not like the old days when your vows meant something.
I would reevaluate your situation and see if what you are feeling is just that. ';A Feeling';, most people think that getting married means that I don't have to work at things anymore and that my wife/husband has to stay with me and can't leave me.


this is a falasy.


Divorce hurts everyone. Work on your feelings; meaning look into what you aren't giving your spouse.
Well not only that but people are using their own relationships to base the questions on. Nobody knows the real background or all the details when they're answering questions in here... that's why I get so upset with everybody being so quick to say, Oh just dump him/her.... They're using their own relationship as a background.. Not the person's asking the question.
That's because Parents (spouces) hire lawyers to sort out details.STUPID You get together and say Why hire lawyers just split the estate down the middle.
If you can't afford to get a divorce, then you weren't financially ready to get married.





Because if you can't live on your own like a big boy or girl, then stay at home with mommy.
Well, hiring a hitman would be more expensive. So maybe try counseling. Or move into a duplex.
Totally agree hun! i don't think that the people who are answering have a clue and think divorce is the only way to deal with things.
I think the people asking those questions, know the difference between some kid answering and an adult.








I believe that most people can see through it...at least I hope so.
i've noticed that too.
because they are all stupid